Seven ways to get over a breakup
From The New Yorker a funny article to help you forget someone and restart a new life. Read and learn new idioms!
Breakups hurt. It hurts now and it will probably hurt forever. Here are some tips and tricks to help you delude yourself into believing life will feel again:
1. Be patient! takes time. As the saying goes, “Good things come to those who have given up and sit defeated in their shower, fully clothed, with the water running.”
2. Unfriend him on Facebook! In fact, unfriend everyone. Everyone’s your enemy.
3. Write down all those horrible feelings you’re going through. Get out all the , anger, rage, and hatred—the stuff you would never say out loud to anyone. Photocopy and send to him with a sad face drawn on it.
4. When you start to in public, pretend you’re on the phone with one of those voice-recognition robots. Then you can say “I NEED TO CONNECT WITH A HUMAN” as loud as possible and it will seem totally normal.
5. Get a haircut. It’s time for a big, fun change! Take this time to focus on yourself. For example, focus on the fact that maybe a wasn’t the big, fun change you’d hoped it would be.
healing (n) the process of becoming healthy again, or recovering from an unhappy experience
venom (n) very strong anger or hate
to freak out (v) to become or make you become so angry, surprised, excited, orfrightened that you cannot control yourself
mohawk (n) a mohican
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